Realms and Masks

There are those who live their lives behind a mask, either literal or figurative. It could be said that everyone at least wears a partial mask. Something inside themselves they refuse to release to the outside world, something horrible or wonderful that makes them exist. Most would say there is a mask and a core, but this is not true. There is an Inner and Outer core in my view, they extend into each other at indefinate amounts in all people. There are things you can do to draw out these hidden factors of a person, such as love them or anger them. There are people that would protest these ideas though... There always are. I am and am not my mask, we are the same and not. I am sane and insane, I am all of it. They are seperate, I refer to them by different names when joking about it with people online. This is in the sense of multiple personalities I refer to them though, not as a single personality that exists in me and changes shape by situation.

My mask as people would choose to refer to it, my public appearance. I refer to it as Grimblaze and he is completely insane, he tries at every opportunity to cause chaos in his surroundings and has little care for what people think of him. He supports the destruction of all and the advancement of his own desires.  He has some good qualities if you look really hard and the situation arises.  On the other side is Daemon or my core, a more restrained person, he understands his limitations and the laws that bind his existence.  He is apathetic about most things and walks around slowly and thinks things over. But once his mind is made up on a subject he can become almost as bad as Grim in terms of actions.  There is little separation between them that is real, there is a deep link between the personalities that is hard to cross.

These two are me, both sides.  What is life without living a paradox though?  Being both controlled and out of control at all times.  I let the insanity of Grim surface to drive those who will not look past it away.  Most of my closest friends know Daemon a lot better than I will explain him here.  It is not to say that I can not rein Grim in to act as a sensible person in a social setting, I have had to do this at job interviews and work.  The insanity is my mask, but there is no limit to how much I have become my mask, and how separate I am at the same time...  All you can be told is I am Grimblaze and Daemon, I am Tom Johnson and I am insane and sane.

The awakened, and sequel.

I wrote this for a creative writing class I took in highschool.  It is loosely (very much so) based off of my life at one point.  It is only relate to some situations and not all, you would need to ask which is which.

The Awakened:

The blinding light seemed to throb before his blurred vision, he heard faint, worried voices around him and felt his heart straining to continue pumping.  Suddenly; the movement under him stopped as his eyes grew heavy, without a sound a masked man appeared, silhouetted in the light, saying something as the boy passed out.

             He had felt isolated for the latter part of his life, while it was drilled into his head how useless he was, that he was unwanted by his parents and by god.  It all seemed a climax, his parent's suicide at five, the abuse from his uncle afterwards, and the singsong chant from the other kids of, " you killed your parents."  It always felt so hopeless, living with that weight, told every day he murdered them, told every day in the christian town about the special place in hell for him.  It grew to too great a pressure for the young male to handle, he tried to end it with a knife.

              Damian awoke the next day in a white room, black stitches along both wrists and an I.V.allowing blood into his body.  His head throbbed painfully as he stared at the lights above him a faint beep sounding with his heart.  He knew he was in the hospital and let out a depressed sigh, wishing he hadn't been saved.  The people that had surrounded him almost all of his life told him he was damned and he knew he was.  Closing his eyes Damian feigned sleep as he thought over the last night.  He had forgotten to lock the front door when he grabbed the knife and took it to his wrist.  He remembered the deep bloody gashes now sewn shut.  He knew when he felt weak from blood loss someone had come into the room and screamed.  The face was all a blur though; yet, it seemed familiar.

               Damian lay there reflecting on the night silently, his eyes closed tight, when he heard the door open, he tried to sit up but as soon as he did his head was swimming.  He fell back onto the pillow as he looked at the nurse who looked back, " Ah! You are awake now, don't mind me I'm just here to record your vitals."  He watched her quietly as his vision settled down then thought to ask something.  "Why did you bother with me? How did i get here? Its not like anyone cares about me..."  The nurse just smiled casually and softly spoke in responce.  "We are sworn to heal all people when we enter this profession, you got here by ambulance, and you have someone who cares about you, a nice young lady named Sakura, she is the one who called for us.  She has come to check on how you were doing too."  He looked shocked, he knew her barely, a quiet, reserved girl with a goofy side.  They never really talked but he had been told how caring she was, he just thought she pitied him.  With a sigh Damian closed his eyes, he had always though Sakura was just weird; but, he didn't know how she had been the one to find him.  As he thought this over the nurse finished and left the room.

                After a few hours alone in the room thinking of Sakura in a daze, the door opened again and in burst Damian's uncle followed by a doctor who looked agitated.  Upon seeing Damian awake and in the bed his uncle burst foreward his arm raised to hit Damian, The doctor quickly stepped in the way glaring as Damian flinched at the raised hand.  The doctor spoke quickly with anger in his voice, "he is a patient of mine and I refuse to let you hit him in his current state, also I can assure you that we will not leave him in your custody anymore sir now please leave immediately."  With a smirk of spite for the boy his uncle spoke slowly then, the pure hatred ringing clearly from his voice.  "That boy is nothing but a leech and it is great to hear I will not have to deal with anything about him anymore, all these years he has been a burden since my brother killed himself because of the brat."  Upon hearing this Damian's eyes drooped turning to look at the floor from his uncle in shame sure that the doctor would lay into him now like all the others had.  The doctor just pointed to the door and escorted the vile man from the room, as he entered the hallway he caught sight of the nurse in charge or damian and smiled as he motioned for her to come over.  "The next time you see the nice girl that called about Damian comes, you have my permission to let her in to see him."  The nurse looked shocked and started to say, "But she's not a..."  Midsentence the doctor cut her off and nodded, "I know but, I am going to report Damian's uncle for abuse, the bruises on damian's body are from him, I can guarantee that, then he will not have any family... so a kind face might help him."

                  It was towards the end of the visiting hours later that day the a young asian female entered the hospital.  She had a goofy smile which didn't disperse the air of nervousness around her,  she kinda stumbled while she looked around hopelessly before finally approaching the desk like she had earlier.  The nurse behind the desk had just gotten on her shift and asked her what she wanted when a familiar face came around the corner from a hallway.  The nurse in charge of Damian smiled to Sakura helpfully as she walked over,   "Hello again little miss came in to check on how Damian was again?"  Sakura blushed a little and looked down at the ground before stuttering something.  "Umm... may... no... erm yes. How is he?"  The nurse just smiled knowingly as she looked at the young girl who had her feelings stapled to her shirt.  "If you would like you can ask how he is yourself the doctor has told me to allow you to see Damian if you wish, so do you?"  Sakura just looked up and smiled brightly her cheeks blood red.

                 As Damian lay in his room thinking over what his uncle had said still a familiar voice was heard faintly in the hall.  His eyes went wide then as recognized the scream from that night finally, he hadn't pieced it together that the scream was Sakura's he closed his eyes to slow his breathing a soft sigh escaping his lips as he prepared to get yelled at.  He watched as she entered with a goofy smile, surprising him as she blushed when she noticed him looking at her.  He raised an eyebrow as she quietly moved over and took a seat.  Damian slowly spoke then, "How were... you the one that found me? Why did you bother?"  Sakura looked down a bit folding her hands the goofy smile sinking away a little.  "I was... worried about you... you haven't smiled in days so I decided to ask whats wrong but... I never got the chance at school... So I found out where you lived and visited only to find you bleeding."  Damian looked shocked at this then looked to the other side of the bed his eyes closing with a sigh.  "You didn't have to worry... I was only going to get what I deserved all along... I don't need your pity!"  After this statement Sakura was quiet her breathing could hardly be heard and when Damian finally looked around her saw tears forming in the corners of her eyes as she stared at her hands.

                  "Its... not pity... I really care for you and I think you deserve to live... I know what the others say but that isn't the only existence you can live... its not the only belief... I don't think you did anything bad.  I think you have just lived and you have suffered enough..."  She drifted off before standing tears now coming down her cheeks.  "I have to go now..."  With that she rushed from the room and down the hall her goofy look gone as Damian stared blankly after her, then clenching his fist he curled up on the bed.  What am I to do now he thought to himself slowly thinking over what went wrong,  he had always assumed that everyone must be right, but if so then why did Sakura say there was something different.  He continued to ponder over this until he drifted off to sleep.

                  Time passed and Damian became worried, he heard nothing of Sakura visiting and his wrists were healing fast,  the medical proof the doctor had made the court case basically open and shut within two weeks of being filed it was finished and it was determined that Damian would live with a kind old man in the town while his uncle would be sentenced to 5 years in jail, but in all this time Sakura never came to check in on Damian again and he became very worried.  Emotionally he was still in a bind but the doctor had placed him under a prescription antidepressant and the old man began to visit.  He was a strange man also of asian decent, he reminded Damian of Sakura a little which just made him worry more.  Time continued to flow by and they decided to dismiss Damian from the hospital one month after he had arrived.

                  Life seemed to flow much slower and everyone knew about what he had done, his few friends were avoiding him now as he quietly moved through the school.  Every time he saw Sakura she justed hurried away from him without a word, finally one day he was sitting out on the elementary school's swings staring at the sunset in the autumn.  He was humming a tuneless melody to himself as he thought over things, life had become more tolerable with the old man.  He had begun to learn of Buddhism the concepts were very interesting to him and he was learning fast the customs.  As he sat there swinging quietly the chains creaking on the old set a pair of footsteps sounded behind him.  He turned around and looked at the person.  There was Sakura a bow in her hair as he looked at him quietly, stopping the swing Damian stood up and looking down as well he talked to her quietly.  "I found a different way... I understand what you meant... and I am sorry about what I said..."  Without a word in responce Sakura headed over to the monkey bars and sat down on them watching him.  Then stepping foreward he smiled to her warmly and hugged her the sun shineing behind the two, both of them understanding.

 A treasured memory:

           It seemed like ages since that day long ago.  He had experienced good times and bad times, lonely times and times with friends.  He tried his hardest to pull his life together though, even though every day he suffered at times from a disorder he inherited from his father.  Although he thought himself worthless at times he struggled on with life because of a promise he had given to some out loud to others silently, there were people who passed like smoke through his life and others that cut like blades into his personality each leaving a mark.

            Above all though one person left a mark which he could not separate himself from, someone who left no cuts but only bandages, a healing touch like no other in the body of a goofy girl.  Sakura had taught him how to live with words that held a deeper meaning, thinking of life as a joyful thing to look forward to.   She had taught him even though he only brought tears to her eyes at the time with his heartless words, but one thing remained in his mind to this day, a moment in which time stopped a soft breeze blowing a ribbon in her hair as they embraced on an abandoned playground.

            It had been two years since that time and all of the time he had spent with her since, was kept in his heart healing what others had done.  He spoke to her in the evenings several days a week always a goofy conversation but full of heart.  Her silly attitude seemed almost perfect to him now as he spoke with her laughing occasionally.  She had, in essence, filled a void in his life; a person who could bring out his happiness and allow him to forget his troubles.

            He in no way knew everything about her yet and didn’t want to pry into her life only talking of what she would speak of and this was enough.  He always was thinking of something to do and finally he decided on something he believed she would enjoy.  It was spring when he called her up the weekend had just started and she seemed kind of tired, obviously having pulled another long night for homework, he just smiled listening to her breath for a second before he finally spoke.  “Hello Sakura?  I was wondering if you would like to join me in Cherry Park this afternoon?  You know by the playground?”  She just smiled a little and agreed to it the memory flashing to life for an instant before fading.

            When Sakura finally arrived she saw Damian sitting on a swing, the exact swing he had been on that day, and as she walked over she moved along the path she remembered taking and then stopped where she had before.  He smiled to her softly and then moved forward hugging her again his eyes closing as he listened to her breath for a little while before letting go.  “I brought some lunch for us if you want any… Its pasta.”  She smiled and nodded as they headed off the playground to the cherry tree, everything perfect.

Epilogue: New

People come and people go, some leave marks that remain forever.  There are those that heal us and those who hurt us.  The girl in this story is based loosely off of someone I knew like that, she has moved elsewhere and I have not spoken to her in a long time.  But I still love her, and I thank her for her support.  I pushed her away and she forgave me and cared even though I was horrible... May she live happily ever after.

Past work: Rhyming scheme

Placed in the Order made as Far as I remember:

Homecoming Disaster

It was early october, and late in the day

the parade was still going and well on its way

Inside the juniors float an idea was just struck

To light up a doobie with a guy named chuck

So slowly they rolled it, it was massive indeed

They did it with care not a single seed

After five rounds, the float was still going

and inside of it, their heads were now flowing

and then by mistake the doobie was dropped

and they all whined, how it had been a wonderful crop

without any notice the float started to flame

they never even heard, those calling their names

the wheels kept on rolling , and the flames kept on growing

their ears kept on buzzing and their heads still flowing

without any notice it rolled down a hill

and into a lake where it started to fill.

chuck started to state, he can't feel his legs.

they all laughed and searched for their dregs

the float broke open and they started to float about

one of them even caught a big trout

and that was the end of the homecoming disaster

they all went home and got plastered

Homecoming Disaster 2

A homecoming after their heinous act,

the very next year to be exact

The flyers gathered for a new float design

one that even the freshmen thought benign

a malevolent smile went across their faces

as they began to develope the float's basis

a giant sean connery, with a flamethrowing gun

so hot they decided they could grill a bun

The basic plans were ingenious indeed

they had a cause, and they had a need

they brought the propane and acetelyne

to make the fire a bigger scene

the day of the parade they filled the tanks

readied their fire and drove out with much thanks

moving behind the sophmore float,

they thought of the plan and began to gloat

when suddenly from the gun burst out the flame,

giving the other floats a lot of shame

accidentally though the fire went to far

and caught the sophmore float right on the bar

the float burst into flames and went out of control,

and went careening fast through a patrol

after the cops got out of the way

the float hit the freshman's and went into the bay.

The seniors laughed to see such a sight

and prepared then for a fast paced flight

This is the end of the homecoming disaster

now please give applause to it's master

Slime Stompin:

There he goes the hamster king 

As the festive bells ring 

It is the day, it’s come at last 

So put on your boots and get ready fast 

The king has come for this glorious day 

At about the middle of May 

Wearing our galoshes and thick soled boots 

We even packed some tasty fruits. 

All in a line following our leader 

We head out to the slime feeder 

All gathered around the slimes let out a shout 

Oh joy! Its time for the first bout 

You see the day of the fourteenth of May 

Is a festive day without any say, 

We squish and we squash and laugh 

The wizards smash them with a staff 

The weakest creatures in all of the world 

The slimes always make your hair curled 

With massive stomps he takes them out 

Not a thing to worry about 

On this wonderful slime stompin day 

In the sunny month of may.  

The day the hamster screamed:

Well it all started one foggy night 

That wasn’t at all in the years of blight 

It started low and without much power 

But then could be heard over the shower 

Rising fast into the night 

Everyone started turning on the light 

It sounded horrible and very high pitch 

Some people even drove into a ditch 

Without much warning it grew much louder 

All around the glass was turning to powder 

The wise old men and little girls 

All covered their ears and tried not to hurl 

The brave young men ran into the night 

To find whatever was causing this plight 

The sound grew closer and closer still 

The deafening wails were by the mill 

They stepped into a clearing dark 

And they finally saw their mark 

A tiny hamster with mouth open wide 

It made no attempt to even hide 

And then as quickly as it began 

The hamster stopped and ran up to stan. 

The raven Revamp:

Once upon a midnight tiring 

I was staring, hoping, admiring 

When suddenly a demon burst from the shade 

and started chattering about a parade. 

I tried to clear the image from my mind, 

when I heard a croaking from behind. 

I turned suddenly expecting a fright 

but instead I saw a bird take flight. 

Its black wings shimmered in the light 

before settling and screeching its plight. 

“Nevermore shall I see the blue sky, 

Never more shall I make the girl cry, 

for now is the time, my time has come, 

to steal your life and descend with you scum.” 

It finished its screech and began to attack, 

when suddenly I expanded and began to stack. 

The bird was engulfed along with the demon, 

sinking fast like a drowning seaman, 

and then I shrunk as a matter of fact 

nothing was left not even the cat, 

and so I went into the next room 

and laid in my bed next to my broom. 

I listened to a CD that sounded like a stream, 

And that was the end of my very strange dream.

Panda Parade:

There they go all dressed in black 

Walking along all in a pack 

Roaring and stomping and carrying on 

Some people wish they would just be gone 

But it’s too late for any such thing 

They have just begun to sing 

The panda parade is on a roll 

They’re heading out towards the toll 

They marched right through jumping the gate 

As they travel to where they will mate 

The police can’t stop them and watch in awe 

The pandas are protected by international law. 

They go through a tunnel and into a park 

There a few dogs begin to bark 

In a complete circle they have travels 

No one knows how this unraveled.

Evil Ninjas:

Evil ninjas! Attack at noon 

Start to fear they’ll be here soon 

With their swords and their knives 

Everyone run for your lives   

Look out for the first wave 

They might take you as a slave 

Oh no! The first attack 

They even brought the cat sack   

Run away for your life 

Or prepare for some strife 

Prepare to run in fear 

You foolish little deer   

Ha ha the ninjas won 

They don’t come out in the sun

That is all of this type you get, there were some others but they were gifts to people that left.

The Purpose of this Blog

Hello, 

My name is Thomas Johnson and I am what most would consider an eclectic soul.  I have wrapped myself in the shroud of insanity and chaos because it is a comfort in this world where everything will fall apart.  A little bit about me:  I am medicated for Major depression which has led to 4 mental breakdowns and of those 2 resulted in attempted suicide.  I have problems and this is not what I plan to write about.  I do not care for most people and I could be said to drive people away, I have not been graced with a charming personality or such and I can be pretty blunt if someone rubs me the wrong way.  If you wish to know the real me you will need to pass a test and look beyond the veil, see beyond what is apparent.  That is enough about me, as my profile says, if you wish to know about me my email is several places on here so you can contact me.  In case you do not know how to, here are the two addresses I will be giving:  Globalmadman@hotmail.com and chaoticrabbitstudios@gmail.com

On to the purpose, I have various things I write for the hell of it, scripts or random stories sometimes.  Occasionally a more philosophical look, but I do not plan to whine here and must emphasize this.  I have problems, but they are my fault and my responsibility so I must deal with them.  The first few posts will be random things I have stored from before, later will be new things.  Read this if you want, leave if you do not.  It won't effect me either way.

- Grimblaze